An email popped in to my inbox the other day at work asking after our stationery requirements for the following month.
As I pawed through my supplies my imagination got excited.
Like, what if people were items of stationery??
What would they be like?
What sport would they would play?
Where would they work?
If people were items of stationery
The ruler is a straight edge type, obviously. They like rules and are unlikely to be found head banging in town at 4am. The rulers are extremely hard workers, yet lack a little creativity. They often outwork their counterparts and are obsessed with measurable outcomes.
Occupation: Accountant or mathematician.
Favourite Environment: Surrounded by intellectuals with a glass of scotch on the rocks. May or may not be cradling a cigar and nodding slightly.
Example: Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory
Wow. You’ll know a highlighter when they’re around.
They are loud, in your face and impossible to miss. These people will walk in to a room, throw their arms in the air like, ‘Wassup bitchess, Craigs’ in the house!’. They are the motivators in team situations. Expect a plethora of ideas with no idea how to implement them. Be wary, too many highlighters together can be overwhelming. You’ll have no idea where to focus.
This person may have ADHD…
Sport: Artistic gymnastics or competitive dancing, something with a bit of flare where they can embrace their love of showmanship.
Occupation: Zumba instructor / Dolphin trainer / Activist / Street performer.
Favourite environment: Carving shapes on the dance-floor in a club with strobe lights, smoke machines and a live DJ. Would enjoy spontaneous dance battles.
They go with the crowd.
A pencil person will change their shade to fit whatever situation they are in. These people tend to be a but flaky, the ones who click attend on a Facebook event but never materialise. A pencil is unlikely to take a hard stance on topics. They are the drifters and uniquely talented, often quietly artistic.
Sport: Laser tag / Dodgeball (because they’re good at dodging questions)
Occupation: Mediator / Hairdresser
Favourite environment: They fit most places, but are most comfortable around other pencils. When pencils get together they can become very persuasive.
A pen is opinionated. These folk enjoy a debate and don’t back down quietly.
Sport: Debating / Darts / Basketball
Occupation: Lawyer / Politician / Lecturer.
Favourite environment: Working through the worlds problems over scalding coffee.
Example: Paul Henry
The sharpener is a hard ass.
They tend to be respected, if not a little feared. Just like the ruler, they work hard but are less vocal. The sharpener type does not get along with the pencil, their flaky personalities don’t gel.
Sport: Shooting / UFC / Big Wave surfing
Occupation: High Performance Strength and Conditioning Coach / Stunt person / daredevil
Favourite environment: Somewhere extreme, the top of a 10ft wave or perched on the edge of a cliff. The sharpener thrives in abnormal surroundings.
The stapler is level headed and often turned to for advice. They bring people together but don’t beat around the bush. When push comes to shove, the stapler type will dish out the hard words, but they are respected for their transparency and often bind groups together.
Sport: Boxing / Rowing
Occupation: Coach / Management
Favourite environment: The stapler enjoys social get togethers but tends to position themselves on the fringe. They’re the cool cats in the corner of the staff do. The male stapler is often preyed on by cougars, they have an intoxicating appeal.
The Sticky-Notes Pad
This guuuy. The sticky-notes pad person is probably on stage right now cracking witty one liners. A peoples person, the sticky-notes attract crowds wherever they go. They’re a lot more chilled out than the highlighter and tend to be covertly intellectual.
Sport: Pretty much every non-contact team sport / Waterboy
Occupation: Comedian / MC
Favourite environment: Anywhere with people. I mean anywhere. The sticky-notes pad could be in prison and have people rolling on the floor laughing.
Welcome, the creative type.
The notebooks are a bottomless source of creativity. They’re the ones staring out the windows during school and making figurines out of the blue-tac. Notebooks aren’t the attention creatives, you’d find them tucked in a corner swaying to eclectic tunes and sketching.
The notebook often bats a bit of sarcasm around.
Sport: Robot combat
Occupation: Product designer / Buzzfeed contributor
Favourite environment: Picturesque and isolated. The notebook is selective with the company they keep.